Thursday, November 29, 2007

You know you are in California when...

Everyone hates cops

You live next door to mexicans

You say "like" and "for sure" and "right on" and "dude" and "totally" and "peace out" and "chill" and "tight" and "bro" and "hell of" and "hella"(Nor Cal only) and "faded" and "stoked" and "fo sho" and you say them often

You know what real cheese taste like.

All the porn you watch is made here, cause we fuck better and thats how it is.

You don't get snowdays off because theres only snow in Mammoth, Tahoe, Shasta, and Big Bear.

You can wear sandals all year long.

You go to the Beach - not "down to the shore."

You know 65 mph really means 100.

When someone cuts you off, they get the horn and the finger and high speed chase cuz we dont fuck around on the road.

The drinking age is 21 but everyone starts at 14 (legally 18 if you live close enough to the border).

Our governor can kick your governors ass.

You can go out at midnight.

You judge people based on what area code they live in, and when asked where you're from, you give your area code.

You might get looked at funny by locals when you're on vacation in their state, but when they find out you're from California you turn into a Greek GOD.

We don't stop at stop signs... we do a "california roll"
No cop no stop baby!

You can get fresh and REAL Mexican food 24 hours a day.

All the TV shows you "other" states watch get filmed here.

EVERYONE smokes weed. no exceptions.

We're the Golden State. Not the Cheese State. Not the Garden State.....GOLDEN!!!

We have In-N-Out (Arizona and Vegas are lucky we share that with them).

We have the most representation in the House of Representatives, which means our opinion means more than yours, which means we're better than you.

The best athletes come from here.

We got disneyland....wut now!

We have The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf which is way better than Starbucks.

We call it soda, not pop.

Oh, and no one from California calls it Cali... that's how we know you're not from around here.


Anonymous said...

Conocía la versión de tu sabes que estás en España cuando...

No sabía que eran tan chachi guays los de California. Lo del code area lo hacen también en Madrid, siempre preguntando por cual zona sales y donde vives. Además, he nota mucha rivalidad entre barrios. No logran entender el espíritu nómada de algunas personas (soy una p*** del alquiler, voy donde me salga más barato)

Meg said...

Muy bueno, ya veo que el "ser de XX si..." está en todos sitios.

Anonymous said...

De Nueva York es este aunque no me gusta tanto como el de Cali.
You live in New Yawk ... not New York.

You can get into a 4-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.

You think Central Park is "nature."

Hookers and the homeless are invisible.

You've considered stabbing someone just for saying "The Big Apple."

The middle finger is a form of communication.

You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.

Your door has more than 3 locks.

You go to a hockey game for the fighting ... in the stands ... to participate.

You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.

The subway should never be called anything prissy, like the Metro.

You think $7.00 to cross a bridge is a fair price.

You know that you have to use whatever means necessary to avoid the A train after 8 P.M.

You've worn out a car horn.

You secretly envy cabbies for their driving skill.

You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a yard.

You complain about having to mow it.

A slice of pizza is dinner at least once a week.

"Mad" is an adverb.

Being truly alone makes you nervous.

$50 worth of groceries fit in one paper bag.

You don't notice sirens anymore.

You live in a building with a larger population than most American towns.

Your doorman is Russian, your grocer is Korean, your deli man is Israeli, your building super is Italian, your laundry guy is Chinese, your favorite bartender is Irish, your favorite diner owner is Greek, the watchseller on your corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie was Pakistani, your newsstand guy is Indian and your favorite falafel guy is Egyptian.

You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.

You run when you see a flashing "Do Not Walk" sign at the intersection.

You're 35 years old and don't have a driver's license.

When you're away from home, you miss "real" pizza and "real" bagels.

You know what a bodega is.

Someone bumps into you, and you check for your wallet.....

You cringe at hearing people pronounce Houston St. like the city in Texas.

Film crews on your block annoy you, not excite you.

You take a taxi to get to your health club to exercise.

America west of the Hudson is still theoretical to you.

Going to Brooklyn is considered a "road trip."

You have 27 different menus next to your telephone.

You're paying $1,200 for a studio the size of a walk-in closet and you think it's a "steal."

You haven't heard the sound of true absolute silence since the 80s, and when you did, it terrified you.

The most frequently used part of your car is the horn.

You get upset that a cabbie is obeying all the rules of the road.

You cross the street anywhere but on the corners and you yell at cars for not respecting the fact.

Your co-worker commutes 45 minutes by train to a 2,000 square foot house in the suburbs that was the same price as that same 500 square foot apartment of yours that takes only 35 minutes to get to and you think he's a sucker.

You don't even notice the nice lady walking down the road having a perfectly normal conversation with her self.

You may air heartfelt gripes and complaints about your city, but heaven help any visitors who dis' your city.

You take the train home and you know exactly where on the platform the doors will open that will leave you right in front of the exit stairway.

You and the other three passengers look at each other and know you have pure grit.

Your local news is national news.

Communicating with people on the road only takes one finger.

You order your dinner and have it delivered.. from the place across the street.

You can tell a gunshot from a firecracker and not get scared, but when you go to the burbs you get scared of hearing a cricket.

You know the lights above the skyscrapers is the closest thing we have to stars.

Rather than waiting safely on the sidewalk to cross the street, you wait inches away from speeding traffic waiting to cut through it.

When you are able to make a right turn at a red light.. you think it's the best thing ever.

Esther said...

me ha gustado el de California, si señor, mas chulos que un 8 :D